Gossiping, rumors, backbiting - Toxicity of a workplace
Backbiting: talking negatively behind other people's back.
Any social environment is prone to gossips, as the individuals in the group feel good when they can "talk others down" because that indirectly elevates their self esteem, and makes them feel important as they have "juicy information" about something others do not.
This is adult bullying.
He uses Socrates' triple filter test: before you share the information, ask yourself the question:
- True - are you SURE that the information you are presenting is true
- Good - is it anything good you are going to share me about that person
- Useful - does this information concern me in any meaningful way
Challenge
If you have a deliberate effort in making change: make yourself aware, make others aware with recurring "meetings" for being in an environment where it's better to work/be. He suggests to have regular meetings about the topic to raise awareness.
My takeaways:
- do not talk ANYTHING behind other's back
- do criticism face to face
This means your criticism has to be:
- direct: tell it to the actual person and not others - yeah, this is hard, but worth exploring why it is hard. What's blocking you to be honest? What is uncomfortable to share?
- actionable, reasonable: what are the things you wish the other party to do differently and why. Concrete behavioral suggestions, not "do not be like that". Think it through.
- professional: be able to differentiate between things that concern you and things that do not, and how to address it the least intrusive way. How you talk to each other is a professional concern.
I found that this is very hard, hence the gossips happen: you expect someone else doing something more to your liking. Instead of addressing the situation head on, you feel helpless. It creates extra work for you / you do not feel fairly treated. To avoid this, be sure you are clear about what's actually bothering. Play the Why game.
Make sure that at your place, work is visible, try to not take professional feedback personal, have defined, clear goals that you can work to achieve, together.
work social